Friends and Family
There are many places a funeral may be held, from funeral homes and churches to simple graveside ceremonies. Some people may wish to have no services at all. And these choices influence other factors such as whether the body will be present for the funeral, whether there will be visitation or viewing and if so,whether the casket will be open or closed. The final disposition ? either burial or cremation ? also requires a decision.
How you can Help
Making the Personal Call
In the past, personal calls were made only when the deceased was a close friend. Today, because families are so mobile, the idea of a personal call or offer of assistance can be most welcome. Any actual visit to the home should be kept brief. Extending an offer of babysitting, helping provide transportation, making telephone calls, house sitting, or preparing a meal are all useful ways in which a friend can help a grieving family. Offer whatever you feel able to give and then leave it up to the family to accept.
Attending the Funeral
Even if the deceased was not a close personal friend, attending a funeral is the best way to show respect for someone who has died and to support a family or friend who has lost a cherished loved one. Of all the things a friend can do, being present at the funeral is a true act of kindness and sympathy and one that will be remembered.
Sending Sympathy Notes
Sympathy notes or cards should be sent soon after you have heard of a death.Normally they would be addressed to the next of kin or closest relative to theperson who as died. If, however, you are acquainted with other members of thefamily, your correspondence can be addressed to them. What is written isimportant. The tone should be sincere and uplifting and the remarks about thedeceased genuine. A heartfelt note of sympathy will be appreciated and oftencherished for years.
Providing Food
In our culture when words fail us, we often turn to food. The sharing of ameal has a special significance. When a death occurs, having extra foodavailable, thoughtfully prepared and presented, can be most helpful andappreciated. If you choose to provide a meal for a family, consider sending itin disposable containers or labeling dishes to assist the family in returning them.
Giving Flowers, Masses, Donations
Flowers are a universally accepted symbol of sympathy and may be sent to thefuneral service or to the home. In recent years, families have requested thatflowers be omitted and that memorial contributions be made to a church,synagogue or charitable institution. Those receiving the contributions notifythe family that such a donation has been received. For those of the Catholicfaith, having mass said at an appropriate church is a thoughtful gesture.
No matter who you are, let your wishes be known.
One of the most common remarks funeral professionals hear is, "Ifhe/she had just told us what they wanted." Because death and funerals arenot easy topics to discuss, many families never really know the wishes of theirloved ones. The following Vital Information form is meant for you to use torecord your wishes and thoughts as well as valuable information to help thoseleft behind make proper arrangements. Then, make sure your spouse, children ora trusted friend has a copy of this information.
When a death occurs, it affects friends as well as loved ones. During these times it is important to understand what we can do to help a bereaved family while helping ourselves through a sad time. Here are some suggestions for activities in which a friend or member of the community may participate, express sympathy and acknowledge the loss of a friend.
